What the Hell Happened to Balloons and Hot Dogs?

This is weird. A car dealership in my soon-to-be home of Redlands, California is hosting a Child Safety Event. No Smokey the Bear, no McGruff the Crime Watch Dog, not even Bob the Crosswalk Safety Goat. What do they have instead? FBI-sponsored biometric fingerprinting for kids-- test drive a Nissan and get your offspring an “FBI certified 10 digit fingerprint profile”! But wait, wait, there’s more—you also get a home DNA identification kit!

Does this strike anyone else as a little creepy? Or maybe I just don’t get it because I’ve yet to procreate. In any event, man, the times have changed.