Welcome to 1886!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to 1886!!! Today, we are watching a freak show.

Look at the sights!!! The world's shortest man meets the world's leggiest woman!

That will be followed by some bear baiting and then opium for everyone! Before we start though, let me comb the large chunks of food out of my huge beard.

What's that? It's not 1886? It's 2008? Then why the hell is the New York Times reporting on the world's shortest man meeting the world's leggiest woman? And why do I have such a huge beard? Hmmm...it not being 1886, what explanation do I have for my Gilded Age bathing habits? Or my laudanum addiction? Or my hatred of eastern European ethnic groups?

Boy, do I have some explaining to do...