Shorter Rick Warren: "I'ze Skared of Self-Pollution!"

Supposed America's pastor Rick Warren tells Hugh Hewitt how he avoids sleeping with other women when he's on the road or committing the heinous sin of onanism:

Actually, I have what, Hugh, I’ve had it for almost 40 years. I call it a warnings file. And every time I watch somebody, and Satan has no temptations that are new. It’s either money, sex or power. It’s lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, the pride of life, and you have to know the antidotes, and you have to set up the parameters that keep you from even being tempted in those areas, which means for instance, I’m never alone, ever, ever alone with a woman, or even my myself when I’m traveling.

Sure thing Rick. Preachers are such hypocrites on these issues. Does anyone actually believe the man does not masturbate? But of course, with megachurch ministers and other conservatives, your personal behavior doesn't matter; it's what you espouse that counts. Ask Rush "I'm Glad Kurt Cobain Killed Himself Because He Was a Drug Addict" Limbaugh or Diaper Dave "Bill Clinton Should Resign Because He's Embarrassed the Country Through His Sexual Exploits" Vitter. Or George W. "I Was Defending Texas Air Space from the Viet Cong" Bush.

It'd be great to go back and see these kinds of statements from Ted Haggard before he got busted for gay sex and meth purchases.

But hey, Warren is warning us against the evils of masturbation and thanks so much for that useful guidance. I'm glad I won't give myself cancer or blindness now.

H/T Lindsay