Baby Einstein Doesn't Work?

You mean that if I plop my child in front of a TV with all the right videos, they won't turn into Albert Einstein? I'm shocked. You mean I actually have to parent and spend time with the kid? I can't believe that! I was sure that if I just played Mozart to them, they would turn into brilliant scientists!!!!

Note 1: This is a prime example of how we fetishize technology as the solution to all our problems.

Note 2: If you don't have time to actually teach your children, maybe you shouldn't be having children, though of course, things happen.

Note 3: The whole idea of Baby Mozart and Baby Beethoven and all of that is deeply offensive because it turns classical music into background music that supposedly makes you smarter, but really is something no one wants to think about.

Note 4: Just because your child doesn't turn out to be a genius, you know that's OK. If they are plumbers or secretaries or cooks or whatever, they are still really valuable people so long as they treat the people around them with love and kindness.

Note 5: Even though these videos are totally worthless, they are also racist. They all promote European culture as the be all and end all. Where's Baby Lao Tzu? Baby Kurosawa? Baby Mandela? Baby Frida? Actually, I'd totally buy Baby Frida. The weirdness of that is fun to contemplate.