A Single Random Musical Observation, or "What I Would Do if I Could Time-Travel"

There are many shows in history that I would love to see if I could time-travel. Some predate my being born, such as the Who's live shows in 1971 (when they were using live shows to work on the material for Who's Next, the greatest straight-up rock'n'roll album ever, something others agree with); others, like Sonic Youth's 1988 Daydream Nation tour, occurred before I was old enough to go to shows (or even buy many cassettes, and those I could afford, well....the tastes of an 8-year-old are not the most refined). I'm sure we all have shows like that, that we wish we could warp the space-time continuum to witness live.

However, if there's one show I could probably go back and see, it would be when I was about to graduate high school. As I was taking my final exams for graduation, and Toronto was a 9-hour drive from where I lived, there was absolutely no way I could make it to see Spiritualize play live. At the time, they were riding high on what is unquestionably their best album, Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space, and the live album from that time period demonstrates that actually seeing them live would have constituted a major religious experience. I absolutely adored (and still adore) that album. It was the second-most-frequently played album I listened to at that time. The only one I was listening to more was OK Computer.

The kicker? Spiritualized, on the Ladies and Gentlemen tour, was the opening band of that concert back in spring 1998. The main act?

Radiohead. On the OK Computer tour.

If there were a time-machine, forget about going back and killing Hitler, or talking Johnson out of getting involved in Vietnam, or anything else. I'm going to that show in Toronto in April 1998.

Random Music Observations (XII)

-The world will be an instantly better place the moment the next Gillian Welch album comes out.

-I'm sure there's something in the contemporary music world that's stupider than John Mayer's sleeve tattoo, but I can't for the life of me think of what it is.

-Of all the big "grunge"/"alt-rock" bands of the early- to mid-90s, Pavement has aged the best.

-The early Funkadelic albums are better than any Parliament album, and it's not even close.

-I used to think any kind of musical production was worthwhile. Then reggaeton happened.

A Single Random Musical Observation

I've been working on a "best-of-the-decade" list of music for an upcoming post for a while, a feat that I originally thought wouldn't take too long. Yet the more I get into it, the harder it gets, and the difficulty's origin is simple: I underestimated the "oughts." I don't know why I'm surprised, but there was a lot of excellent music made over the past 10 years. To quote Ron Burgundy: "This is hard!" Stay tuned.

Random Music Observations (XI)

-I actually enjoy Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music.

-There's only one good song that Noel Gallagher was involved with, and it wasn't even an Oasis song (it was this song).

-On a related note, of all the "electronica" albums that were "the future of music" in the 1990s, Dig Your Own Hole has held up the best (though Fat of the Land is still pretty good, too).

-Jimi Hendrix's live-albums are better than the studio albums (see, especially, Band of Gypsies).

-Tonight's the Night is great, but On the Beach is Neil Young's best album.

Random Music Observations, the Tenth

-Of all the crazy things that are mandatory reading in schools, the craziest thing ever is Dee Snider being mandatory reading. In Russia.

-I think I'd enjoy Drive-By Truckers more if there were fewer ballads.

-The Black Angels should get more attention, not for being relatively new, but for being objectively really good.

-There aren't a lot of reggae songs I enjoy, much less reggae albums. However, I could listen to the Congos' Heart of the Congos and Mikey Dread's World War III every day for a year and still not get tired of them.

-In terms of rocking, dirty, absolutely-terrifying-yet-strangely-compelling, nobody beats Junior Kimbrough.

Random Music Observations (IX)

-Who listens to the Black Eyed Peas? I know they've sold millions of albums, but.....how? I've never known anybody who had anything other than pure contempt for them, and I know some people with awful taste in music.

-"Yummy Yummy Yummy I Got Love in my Tummy" surely must be the worst set of lyrics in rock ever. This is followed closely by N*Sync singing "Your love is like a river/Peaceful and deep/Your soul is like a secret/That I never could keep." What the fuck does that even MEAN???!?!?!

-On a related note.....man, music in the late-90s was awful. N Sync? Creed? Limp Bizkit? Jeebus....

-I don't get Prince. Never have, and probably never will. The only things he's ever seemed to do decently, Funkadelic did much better.

-Having worked at Borders Books before, I have been subjected to some truly terrible music. However, nothing will beat the day when Cher Live - the Farewell Tour played on repeat for 7 hours. Demons had apparently possessed the machine, and we couldn't get it to even turn off; the only way would have been to throw the power to the entire store, and we couldn't do that until closing. When I go to hell, that CD (along with ABBA Gold) will be the soundtrack that eternally plays overhead.

Random Musical Observations (VIII)

-Maggot Brain is still the greatest guitar solo ever.

-Joe McPhee in the late-1960s/early-1970s was as great as, if not better than, latter-day John Coltrane.

-Even though Moon Pix and You Are Free are amazing, I’m really glad Cat Power cleaned up.

-Gillian Welch needs to release a new album, now.

-Willie Nelson's Teatro is one of the three most underrated albums of the 1990s.

Random Music Observations (VII)

-Loveless is an excellent record, but when I hear people rave about how revolutionary it was, I just don't get it. It's far from mainstream, but even for 1991, there was much more "revolutionary" stuff out there.

-Lou Reed’s week still beats your year.

-Funkadelic is one of the five greatest rock bands, ever.

-Jim Morrison was nothing more than a drugged-out wannabe-artiste whose 6th-grade level poetry was as asinine and banal as Jewel’s “poetry.” And saying, "Did you ever look at this cover while on acid?" is not a legitimate defense of the "music."

-If I ever have a son, I'd like to name him "Tom." Sure, it's pretty normal-sounding, but anybody whose namesakes are Tom Ze and Tom Waits is in line for some pretty awesome insanity.

Random Music Observations (VI)

It's been over a year since I offered my last Music Observations and outraged the world over my thoughts on the Smiths (among others), so after a long hiatus, I thought I'd offer some more Random Musical observations.

-Jack Johnson is the James Taylor of the 21st century.

-Everybody knows about the Kent State shootings. They should also know that Kent State gave Joe Walsh an honorary degree.

-“Sister Ray” is the Velvet Underground's best song.

-The movie Gladiator is to be condemned for many reasons; the most important is for bestowing the world with a legacy of “Enya-knockoff” soundtracks.

-Dave Grohl should stick to drumming.

Random Music Observations: Humbug Edition

I love almost everything about the Christmas season, save for two things: the crass commercialism, and the music (ok, lots of the movies, too, including *gasp* A Charlie Brown Christmas, but these aren’t random film observations). It isn’t just that I don’t really like Christmas music – I hate just about all of it (save for some traditional hymns and classical pieces). This hatred was never aided by the fact that, growing up, I was forced to listen to it every year, both in the house [when not shut up in my room enjoying my OWN music] and in the car. And so, in the holiday spirit, my observations on the dreck that is holiday music:

-The world needs another version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” like it needs another version of “Summertime (And the Living’s Easy)”.

-Item one also goes for “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” “White Christmas,” “Santa Clause Is Comin’ To Town” (the worst moment in the Bruce Springsteen catalogue), and probably another 127 songs.

-I think the goal of trying to get into the multi-ethnic, multi-religious tone of the season by playing holiday songs from other religious and ethnic traditions is fine. Playing Adam Sandler’s “Haunukah Song” as the only “Jewish” song to meet that goal is not fine.

-I think the Chipmunks’ Christmas Song is just like the comic-strip Marmaduke – it probably stopped being funny or cute around 1963 (save for, of course, modern re-interpretations of Marmaduke).

-In the modern music world, I think nothing better captures the modern holiday season than holiday albums from Mariah Carey, Christina Aguileira, Destiny’s Child, and even New Kids on the Block (and you’d forgotten about them). In a perverse way, nothing is more perfect about it all than the fact that they are simply trying to cash in on “genuine love” for the season.

-I don’t know its name, but there was one Christmas album titled "The Tarquin Records All-Star Holiday Extravaganza" that I loved (and frequently played when I was on air). The college radio station I DJed at in undergrad had it, and it included songs such as “Santa Was Seen Flying Through Soviet Airspace” by the Philistines, Jr., "Zamboni Stuck in the Snow" by the Zambonis, "R2D2, We Wish You A Merry Christmas" by Brian Dewan, and "Rudolph Burger...Hold the Nose" by The Pork Guys. It was often stupid, but in a good way, and at least it was different.

Random Music Observations IV

-The only thing worse than a musical movement that starts with “New” is one that starts with “Nu.”

-Thriller is still an amazing album.

-This is the most disturbing children’s album cover ever (is it a children's album, or the new Emmanuelle movie poster?)

-Nobody has been able to satisfactorily describe the qualities of Emo music to me beyond "absolutely craptacularly emotive whining."

-When Sting dies, I hope his headstone simply reads, "Stung". That might almost make up for his solo career.

Random Music Observations (III)

With the firestorm over my previous two installments of "Random Music Observations" having died down, it's time to mix it up again. So, without further ado.....

-Despite all the love he gets (especially from my age demographic), I’m going to say it: I hate Dave Matthews. It’s nothing more than vanilla music for a vanilla generation. (And he most DEFINITELY falls into number 4 from this batch of observations).

-Sigur Rós may be Icelandic fuck music, but it’s great Icelandic fuck music.

-Madonna’s music is overrated. The greatest thing (and I have nothing but respect for this) that she ever did was convincing the world that if she just changed her image from album to album, the music must be good and she must be able to sing well and write well. But musically, it’s David Bowie, only without the really interesting parts.

-Sebadoh’s “The Freed Pig” is a really, really great single.

-The worst crowd I ever saw at a rock show was at a Fleetwood Mac show in 1997. While reunion tours are generally shit, the Mac was fucking great (and I’m not a huge fan, but they still had “it”). Unfortunately, the crowd was absurdly drunk, and there’s nothing quite like seeing (or being forced to see) 40-something drunk women who have put on 50 pounds since college still trying to squeeze into their tiny, leather-and-lace/witch-like Stevie Nicks outfits. Ugh.

Random Music Observations (II)

Gather round, for it's time for the second in the Random Music Observations series.

-Last Splash by the Breeders not only the most forgotten album of the grunge era, it’s one of the best albums of the last 30 years.

-Sometimes bands bitch about their albums, saying they are “shit”. Sometimes those bands are very wrong. Two examples of this are the amazing, self-titled second album by The Beta Band, and Weezer’s Pinkerton (far and away their best album).

-I don’t get the big deal about the Smiths. To me, they are uninteresting, and Morissey’s affected tone and bearing was (and is) as annoying as hell.

-While it is very impressive that Def Leppard’s drummer drums with one arm, it does nothing to elevate their music from absolute crapitude.

-Mariachi music is crap.

Random Music Observations

This is the first in what will be a periodic series of me offering simple opinions on music of all kinds. Doubtless, not everybody (or maybe even anybody) will agree with me, but that's alright - those who disagree can remain discontent in their erring ways. So here is the first batch of random musical thoughts.

-Daydream Nation is, in and of itself, a better album than Velvet Underground and Nico.

-For all the shit the 1980s get musically (and with bands like Thompson Twins, Flock of Seagulls, and New Kids on the Block, the 80s certainly make it easy), the underground scene in the 1980s (Dinosaur Jr., Sonic Youth, Replacements, Hüsker Dü, Violent Femmes, Minutemen, Dead Kennedys, the Dead Milkmen, the Pixies, and numerous others) is probably the greatest, most-forgotten scene in modern music.

-Chuck Berry is as underrated as Elvis is overrated.

-If somebody has to describe a 10-minute song as being great based simply on terms like “chord progressions”, "technique”, with nothing else to recommend it, then it is simply a bad song. (This is particularly germane to jam bands).

-If forced to choose between Yanni, John Tesh, or Kenny G, I’ll go with Tesh any day of the week. At least he has a sense of humor about himself.