Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Ridiculous Movie Titles

As a result of a couple really ridiculously titled movies I’ve reviewed recently (namely, the top two in the list), I decided to put together a list of some of my favorite ridiculous movie titles. It’s not a ranking and it’s sure as hell not a quality judgment, but I’ve only listed movies that I’ve actually seen. I’m sure I’m forgetting some, but here we are.

SURRENDER—HELL!: Nothing’s better than punctuating your title with an exclamation point. Never has there been a title more fun to yell out. This is the worst kind of ‘50s jingoistic war film.

: If you’re looking for nudity and Satanism, do you really need to go farther?

TORSO, OR THE CORPSE SHOWED EVIDENCE OF CARNAL VIOLENCE: Torso is the English language equivalent of the Italian I Corpi presentano tracce di violenza carnale. I prefer the more descriptive original title for this ‘80s slasher flick but, with the English, you at least know where people are getting stabbed.

THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED UP ZOMBIES: Ray Dennis Steckler is one of the true kings of Z-grade films. The title became even more ridiculous than its original, The Incredibly Strange Creatures: Or How I Stopped Living and Became a Mixed-Up Zombie, after Columbia’s threat of a lawsuit. Steckler stars in the film under one of the all-time great pseudonyms: Cash Flagg.

THOU SHALT NOT KILL…EXCEPT: Vietnam vets rearm themselves to battle hippy cultists. This anti-hippy Straw Dogs finishes with a man being impaled on a motorcycle...awesome.

FOR YOUR HEIGHT ONLY: This comes close to the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but there’s always Titanic. A Bond parody from the Philippines, it features little 003 ½ crack midget spy and ladies’ man. Really, without seeing it, there’s no explaining how insane this movie is.

EVEN DWARVES STARTED SMALL: The one film on the list I will defend on its merits and the second straight film to feature little people, this early Werner Herzog allegory is only the second all dwarf cast in film history. If I remember correctly, Erik really hates this movie, which clearly raises the quality a couple of notches.

YOUR VICE IS A LOCKED ROOM AND ONLY I HAVE THE KEY: A pretty standard, and fairly decent, giallo film from Sergio Martino, who also made the above Torso, based heavily on Poe’s “The Black Cat.”

JESUS CHRIST: VAMPIRE HUNTER: The cover for the DVD of this film features Jesus with wrestler El Santo doing karate. Indeed, the movie fulfills this promise as Jesus returns to protect the lesbian community of Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, from vampires. A true modern classic.

PORNO HOLOCAUST: In the early ‘80s, when the cannibal film was hot in Italy, Aristide Massacessi (aka, Joe D’Amato) decided it would be a good idea to make one that included a couple of hardcore scenes. Brilliant idea for a brilliant movie, this is one of the most reprehensible films I’ve ever seen.

THE EROTIC NIGHTS OF THE LIVING DEAD: I’ve included a 10b here because this is almost the exact same movie as Porno Holocaust, only the brown people have put makeup on and are now flesh-eating zombies instead of flesh-eating natives. Massacessi covers all his bases here, zombies or cannibals, there’s something for everybody.