Another Year, Another War on Christmas Completed

Today, I sit back and relax. For the last month, I've been working my tail off, fighting against Christmas and all it stands for. Throwing snowballs at live nativity scenes, pissing on the Bible, beating up pastors, you know, all the standard stuff.

But this year, I am taking it one step further. I am proposing that we all celebrate Tet as our winter holiday. I can combine my hatred of Christmas with my hatred of America! It's perfect. Every year, we can celebrate Tet as a way to remember how the Vietnamese kicked our ass! We can all share some rat meat and cold rice and the kids can sit on Santa's lap and learn about napalm and homeless veterans!

I'm taking it to a new level people. Will you step up to the plate with me? January 26 this year is Tet. Let's conduct some Viet Cong-esque guerilla tactics against churches and crosses around the nation.

Who's with me?

Meanwhile, in the real world, Yglesias links to this amusing Wikipedia bit on how much Puritans actually did hate Christmas.

Note: I am hoping that this post gets picked up by right-wing websites as a sign of just how loathsome the left is. It'd be pretty funny.

The Unfortunate Ones

I always felt really bad for people born on December 25. Would it really hurt their parents and hospitals to conspire to give kids a different birthday? Would they ever know?

Anyway, here's a list of the sad unfortunate ones:

Rickey Henderson
Sissy Spacek
Barbara Mandrell (who may deserve such a bad birthday)
Jimmy Buffett
Annie Lennox
Anwar El-Sadat (though it probably didn't matter much for Sadat)
Humphrey Bogart
Isaac Newton
Cab Calloway
Shane McGowan
Larry Csonka
Ken Stabler
Noel Redding
Don Pullen
Ismail Merchant
Nellie Fox
Marguerite Churchill
Clark Clifford (who may also deserve a bad birthday)
Clara Barton

I should be roasting vegetables instead of screwing around like this. But what would the world do without my meaningless blog posts?