Happy 50th Birthday, Brasilia
Today marks the fiftieth birthday of Brasilia, the high-modernist capital of Brazil that was built out of nothing in the plains of Brazil across 41 months in the late-1950s before its inauguration on April 21, 1960.
"The white race cannot survive without dairy products."--Herbert Hoover
Today marks the fiftieth birthday of Brasilia, the high-modernist capital of Brazil that was built out of nothing in the plains of Brazil across 41 months in the late-1950s before its inauguration on April 21, 1960.
While last year was a momentous birthday for me, this year, I'm merely 29. There's nothing cool that comes with that, like getting to be eligible for the presidency or anything. Instead, a "3" looms ahead of me, with the expectations of maturity, decency, reserve, and employment foisted upon me (fortunately, I should be able to defer on at least the employment part of that equation with the continued explanation "I'm in grad school," which always elicits knowing and sympathetic nods). I'd suggest that at least I could still claim to being the youngest on this blog, and therefore, the X-factor that kept us cool, but the arrival of Sarah J, Yann, Karthika, and Kim has rendered even that claim obsolete, leaving me more of the forgotten middle child of Alterdestiny. Indeed, none of my birthday compatriots - Nolan Ryan, (the late) Jackie Robinson, Kenzaburo Oe, Philip Glass, Piper Perabo, or former Miss Idaho 1997 Brandi Sherwood, has a major age to celebrate today (although Sherwood may be plotting her own Vice-Presidential run, given her qualifications as former state beauty queen).
That said, at the end of the day, I can't complain too much - I've made it through one of the more stressful years of my life, and, as with every remaining year of my life, I'll be able to be satisfied and relieved that I avoided sharing a birthday with Dick Cheney and Phil Collins, even if by just one day.
Today I turn 35. I am constitutionally eligible for the presidency. Thus, I am declaring my candidacy for the highest office in 2012. I have copied Sarah Palin, my political hero, and started ErikPAC. So give me money.
I have a great platform.
1. A taco stand in each neighborhood.
2. Torvald as official National Pet
3. Banning the Wave at all sporting events.
4. Forcing HBO to put Deadwood back on the air.
5. Banning reality TV.
6. Contracting the NFL to get rid of the Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders.
7. Giving Texas back to Mexico.
8. Giving Alaska back to Russia.
9. Requiring all schools to offer mandatory courses on cheese appreciation.
10. Celebrating January 29 as a national holiday.
Moreover, since January 29 has been scientifically proven (by the same scientists who gave you phrenology and eugenics) to be the most awesome day ever, we will have a January 29-centric administration.
My Vice-President? Oprah of course, who was born on this day in 1954.
Rahm Emanuel will stay on as chief of staff, being born on this day in 1959.
The music before my inauguration is going to be awesome. Everyone involved will be January 29 birthdays. On bass, we will have Eddie Jackson from Queensryche. Vocals will be Irlene Mandrell from the 70s pop-country act the Mandrell Sisters. Bill Kirchen from Commander Cody will be on guitar. Tommy Ramone will be on drums. Dick Manitoba will pop in for a couple of songs. I think you all can agree that this will be the greatest super-group of all time.
Heather Graham, born on this day in 1970, will be the new Secretary of Movies with a speciality in extreme hotness.
Tom Selleck, born on this day in 1945 will fill the new cabinet position of Secretary of Facial Hair.
Ed Burns, born on this day in 1968, will direct the inauguration festivities. I expect something akin to what Zhang Yimou did for the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics.
Vin Scully, born on this day in 1927 will be the announcer for the festivities.
In the Oval Office, I'll have paintings of such illustrious January 29 political figures as President William McKinley and former New York congressman and African-American leader Adam Clayton Powell.
There will be a performance of The Cherry Orchard at my inauguration in honor of January 29 playwright Anton Chekhov.
We will be moving the nation's capital to beautiful Topeka, as we celebrate Kansas, brought into this nation on this date in 1861.
Finally, I will be naming renaming some cabinet positions in honor of American heroes born on this great day. Thus Secretary of Defense will be the Harry "Lighthorse Lee" Secretary of Defense, named after the Revolutionary War officer born on this day in 1756. And we will now see the Albert Gallatin Secretary of the Treasury. Jefferson's and Madison's choice for the office was born on this day in 1761.
Loomis/Winfrey '12! A vote for Kansas, tacos, and Heather Graham!
Posted by
Erik Loomis
at
3:30 PM
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Labels: Birthdays, Erik Loomis, Nonsense
I always felt really bad for people born on December 25. Would it really hurt their parents and hospitals to conspire to give kids a different birthday? Would they ever know?
Anyway, here's a list of the sad unfortunate ones:
Rickey Henderson
Sissy Spacek
Barbara Mandrell (who may deserve such a bad birthday)
Jimmy Buffett
Annie Lennox
Anwar El-Sadat (though it probably didn't matter much for Sadat)
Humphrey Bogart
Isaac Newton
Cab Calloway
Shane McGowan
Larry Csonka
Ken Stabler
Noel Redding
Don Pullen
Ismail Merchant
Nellie Fox
Marguerite Churchill
Clark Clifford (who may also deserve a bad birthday)
Clara Barton
I should be roasting vegetables instead of screwing around like this. But what would the world do without my meaningless blog posts?
Posted by
Erik Loomis
at
10:11 AM
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Labels: Birthdays, Christmas, Erik Loomis, Nonsense
I think I speak for all Alterdestiny writers when I wish Bob Barker a happy 85th birthday. I know I always wanted to reach into Bob's pocket, play Plinko, and spin the big wheel.
Also, don't forget to spay and neuter your pets.
Posted by
Erik Loomis
at
2:50 PM
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Labels: Birthdays, Erik Loomis, pets
Today, Willie Nelson turns 75.
He has an odd reputation at this point in his career. He is famous, but more for his marijuana advocacy than his music. He's obviously one of the great country singers and songwriters (and in the history of country music these are often very different things) of all time. But from what I can tell, young people don't listen to his music in the same way that they do for Cash. They both have that hip outlaw image. Maybe it's because Willie's music doesn't have the same sense of rebellion and anger as Cash. There's no "Folsom Prison Blues" in Willie's catalog, that's for sure.
It's too bad because Willie has put out some fantastic music. Now, not very much of it has been recently. His album of Cindy Walker songs (one of the great country songwriters) was really good. But before that, we are looking at Teatro, which came out in 1998. But periods of horrible music never stopped people from loving Cash (the entire 1970s and 1980s).
There are a series of must-own Willie albums. Many people I respect consider Red Headed Stranger to be the best album ever. I can't go quite that far, but it's close. Teatro is truly fantastic. Me and Paul is deeply underrated. Across the Borderline and Spirit are solid albums from the 1990s. Many stand by his covers collection Stardust or his early outlaw album Shotgun Willie, though neither are real favorites of mine. A collection of his early tunes that became hits for others is important to have. "Night Life" became a huge hit for Ray Price, not to mention "Crazy" for Patsy Cline and "Hello Walls" for Faron Young, among others.
I'd like to discuss a very underrated album, Phases and Stages. Released in 1974, at the beginning of the outlaw period, it never became iconic like Red Headed Stranger, but I think it is the more successful album. It may not be better than Red Headed Stranger but it works better. They were both concept albums. But in Red Headed Stranger, the concept seems lost about halfway through. The songs are fantastic, the sparse arrangements are haunting, and Willie sounds fantastic, even if he did expunge my favorite verse from "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain."
In some ways I like Phases and Stages better because it has a more personal feel. Unlike in Red Headed Stranger, Willie wrote all the songs for Phases and Stages. Building on his recent divorce, he composed a song cycle that is split into two halves. The first half is from the woman's point of view, the second from the man's. A woman leaves a man because he has cheated on her. Perhaps because of Willie's history, we are made to feel sympathetic with both sides. This is somewhat uncomfortable, I mean, the bastard did cheat on her, even if "It's not supposed to be that way/Don't you know that I love you." Who cares if you love me, right?
Like in Red Headed Stranger, you don't get a full story. Rather, it's just snippets. The woman leaves, she tells her husband to "Pretend I Never Happened." Then, the woman's little sister is excited because "Sister's Coming Home." She quickly recovers during "Down at the Corner Beer Joint." Her half of the cycle ends with "(How Will I Know) I'm Falling In Love Again." She will be fine and hopefully with a better man. The man's part begins with "Bloody Mary Morning," the album's hit single. An up tempo number, we get a pretty good idea that all those hangovers led to some unfortuante behavior. He also recovers of course and moves on, though I don't necessarily get the sense that he has learned a whole lot from his divorce. And neither did Willie it seems, as he is on marriage #4.
The other great thing about Willie is his musical experimentation. I read a story on him once about a concert in New York. He brought up this high school piano teacher and had her play a bunch of songs. Not his songs. Just classical piano music. The audience was impatient to say the least. But you can't boo Willie! He was into her for some reason. He figured it was his damn show and he was going to do what he wanted. His reggae album of a few years was god awful bad, but at least I had to respect the fact that he was trying new things at his age. On the other hand, he single-handedly transformed country music in the 1970s, especially with Red Headed Stranger. He went against his studio, who freaked out about releasing an album that consisted almost entirely of acoustic guitar and piano. The genre was never the same.
Anyway, Happy Birthday Willie. May you live, be healthy, and produce interesting music for another 75 years!
Posted by
Erik Loomis
at
11:54 AM
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Labels: Birthdays, country music, Erik Loomis, Willie Nelson
Today is my birthday. I am 28 years old now. By having lived to see this day, I have outlived Robert Johnson, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison, none of whom made it past 27.
However, like all five of them, I have yet to have ever been gainfully employed in any type of "real" career. I plan on celebrating my obvious rock 'n roll lifestyle today with excessive partying that may or may not include massive amounts of blow, groupies, and a sound check. "Hello Cleveland!"
Exactly 365 days ago, I proclaimed this to be the Christ Year. I turned 33. I fully expected someone to crucify me. In fact, I challenged people to do it. I hoped to establish myself as a spiritual leader in much the same way as Jesus Christ. I was sure that someone would betray me to the authorities for approximately 30 pieces of silver, or whatever that translates to in U.S. dollars. However, the decline of the dollar made such an activity not worth the time of my friends or my vast numbers of enemies.
Today, I turn 34. I survived the Christ Year. Does this mean I am not a world spiritual leader. No. The recent slaughter of world religious leaders suggests that someone out there is trying to eliminate all of us, myself included. But I held on, foiling the Man's attempts to kill me and my brethren.
My response then to my not dying last year is not to renounce my role as a guru. Rather, I have realized that my model is not that poser Jesus. Rather it is Siddharta Gautama, the original Buddha. He lived to be approximately 80. My new prediction is that I will live another 46 years. For, as of today, I am the White Buddha.
Posted by
Erik Loomis
at
7:58 AM
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Labels: Birthdays, Erik Loomis, Nonsense, The White Buddha
Robert DeNiro is 64 today. It's kind of hard to believe he's only 64 - it seems he's been around for forever already, and his recent string of movie roles in the last few years (Godsend or The Score, anybody?) make it seem even longer. I don't understand these recent roles - I don't know if they're just bad choices, or if he is mailing it in (which seems somewhat unlikely), or if the parts aren't just coming in anymore (which seems even more unlikely), but it's a shame. His performances not just in Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, The Godfather II, and Goodfellas, but movies like Mean Streets, Heat, The King of Comedy, The Mission, The Deer Hunter, and the criminally underrated Ronin (along with several others not mentioned here) are all reminders of how much we can't take DeNiro for granted, even if his recent films have been hit-or-miss.
I want to mention that today is Woody Guthrie's birthday. He would have turned 95.
Just so we remember, here are the full lyrics to "This Land is Your Land," anti-private property lines and all:
Chorus:
This land is your land, this land is my land
From California, to the New York Island
From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters
This land was made for you and me
As I was walking a ribbon of highway
I saw above me an endless skyway
I saw below me a golden valley
This land was made for you and me
Chorus
I've roamed and rambled and I've followed my footsteps
To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts
And all around me a voice was sounding
This land was made for you and me
Chorus
The sun comes shining as I was strolling
The wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling
The fog was lifting a voice come chanting
This land was made for you and me
Chorus
As I was walkin' - I saw a sign there
And that sign said - no tress passin'
But on the other side .... it didn't say nothin!
Now that side was made for you and me!
Chorus
In the squares of the city - In the shadow of the steeple
Near the relief office - I see my people
And some are grumblin' and some are wonderin'
If this land's still made for you and me.
Chorus (2x)
Posted by
Erik Loomis
at
2:54 PM
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Labels: Birthdays, Erik Loomis, music, Woody Guthrie
I'm sure we'd all like to wish a happy 100th birthday to plastics.
That's right. On July 13, 1907, Leo Baekeland submitted his patent to the United States government for the invention of plastic.
We need to thank God for all the consumer products we can own because of plastics. Computers, cars, etc., blah, blah, blah.
But I'd like to thank Baekeland for a few special products.
Where would we be if we couldn't have handy dandy products where we could microwave our eggs?
I'd like to express my gratitude that materials science people have found plastics so useful in creating ever more powerful weapons that are currently being used to kill Iraqi men, women, and children.
And of course, we need to laud plastics for providing young girls with Barbie's unreasonably large breasts. No one has done more to tell women that large breasts are synonymous with attractiveness and therefore give young girls feelings of inadequacy.
Thank you plastics! Where would be without you!!!
Posted by
Erik Loomis
at
6:24 PM
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Labels: Birthdays, Erik Loomis, Plastics, Stupid Consumer Products