Oregon Notes

Spent the week before last in Oregon. Couple of things.

Everyone complains about the weather there. That is because you all are crazy. Having suffered through the desert for the past six years, I have come to appreciate rain. Rain is good. Could we all say that one time: RAIN IS GOOD. Now doesn't that feel true to you? Even people in Oregon complain about the rain. Everyone wants to live here in the sunny Southwest. Well, guess what. Most of the Southwest is uninhabitable. The only way we can live here is through large scale social and environmental engineering that is turning the area into an environmental disaster. Seriously, when most plants can't live in a particular place, it's probably a good sign that people shouldn't either.

When did the sun aesthetic begin? In my research on the Northwest, few people seem to have complained much about the weather before World War II. It was not always fun to work in and a lot of loggers were cold and wet and they didn't like that too much, but that's pretty understandable. My assumption is that this is a post-war phenomenon, related to the rise of the Sunbelt and the desert aesthetic. Weather became a commodity and smart entrepreneurs came up with names like "Sun City" for their new developments. The Northwest is of course by no means strangers to turning their natural world into commodities (more on this in a later post) but they will always be at a disadvantage at making money off the weather.

I actually think this is important because the love of heat and sun among modern Americans tells me a lot about why most of us don't actually care about global warming--if all the nation were dry and hot, most Americans would like it. I remember that before 9/11, David Letterman was on a serious climate change kick. It was clear that he was quite disturbed by it and he explained why people didn't care by saying that they wanted to play golf in January. He hit the nail on the head.

In any case, Oregon weather rocks.

Oregon is a nice place. I'm biased because I'm from there, but still. One thing it has on most of the country--Portland's love of movie theaters where you can drink beer. Why hasn't this spread around the country? Why don't we have these in Albuquerque. And they show good movies too. I went to one theater where I bought a ticket to the classic Hitchock film, Strangers on a Train, a beer, and popcorn. The total price? $8. I couldn't even get in to see the Da Vinci Code in downtown Albuquerque for that. Great movies, good beer, low price. How can you possibly go wrong here?

One thing about Portlanders though. They always talk about how their city is so much better than Seattle. A quick message to you all: shut the fuck up. If your city was actually better than Seattle, you wouldn't talk about it so much. Do you think Seattleites talk about how much better they are than Portland? No. Why? Because they don't care about you. Plus, there is no way that Portland can make this kind of claim until they have major league baseball. Right now, they are a AAA city in many ways. So again--shut the fuck up Portlanders.

I needed to get that one off my chest a long time ago.

I also spent a little time in eastern Oregon. I took a long hike above Multnomah Falls. Got back about 3 and wanted to spend the rest of the daylight hours seeing some of my home state since I don't get the chance very often. Where did I go? East, along the Columbia River to Arlington and then took a circle through the rarely visited, except on the freeway, Gilliam and Morrow counties and then back. An interesting trip. Why Arlington? It's the home of Doc Severinsen, Johnny Carson's old band leader. I wanted to see a statue of Doc in bronze. How awesome would have that been? But they didn't have a damn thing about him. I mean, what the hell else does Arlington have going for it? It's status as a place to stop on the freeway? I suppose the river provides some kind of commerce. But come on--Doc Severinsen is your future Arlington! Embrace the 1940s arrangements! Emphasize the ridiculous clothing! Bring in Ed McMahon for talks! Tourist gold.