The White Buddha

Exactly 365 days ago, I proclaimed this to be the Christ Year. I turned 33. I fully expected someone to crucify me. In fact, I challenged people to do it. I hoped to establish myself as a spiritual leader in much the same way as Jesus Christ. I was sure that someone would betray me to the authorities for approximately 30 pieces of silver, or whatever that translates to in U.S. dollars. However, the decline of the dollar made such an activity not worth the time of my friends or my vast numbers of enemies.

Today, I turn 34. I survived the Christ Year. Does this mean I am not a world spiritual leader. No. The recent slaughter of world religious leaders suggests that someone out there is trying to eliminate all of us, myself included. But I held on, foiling the Man's attempts to kill me and my brethren.

My response then to my not dying last year is not to renounce my role as a guru. Rather, I have realized that my model is not that poser Jesus. Rather it is Siddharta Gautama, the original Buddha. He lived to be approximately 80. My new prediction is that I will live another 46 years. For, as of today, I am the White Buddha.