Absurd Texts of American History (I)

I am starting another historical series on this blog. Entitled Absurd Texts of American History, it will discuss, well, just that. I hope you enjoy these. If "enjoy" is the right word for something like this. They will come intermittently, hopefully every week or so.

The first post is a 1931 letter sent to firms around the nation from the Calcyanide Company, an extermination company. Its entire text follows:

"Gentlemen:

Picture a group of darkies gathered in a circle, rolling dice. Eyes are popping, faces are drawn tight, hopes are running high. Suddenly a "throw" is made. A four, then a three appears--seven a victory! The "shooter" exultant, bursts out with the four words which have become a classic in the gentle art of "rolling the bones"--"read 'em and weep!"

Consider Calcyanide. Think of bugs instead of darkies, Calcyanide instead of dice. They men in the camp house can't sleep because they are troubled by bedbugs. They aren't gathered 'round a circle, but they are brothers in distress--tossing, scratching, rolling in their bunks. Then comes morning, the day's toil and evening again. The men are tired and looking forward to another night of torture. Suddenly the foreman walks in with "hello, boys,' and startles them by saying that the camp house has been fumigated wtih Calcyanide--while they have been at work-nad that they are no longer going to be tormented and annoyed by insect pests. As he holds up a basket full of dead bugs--swept up after the fumigation--a wag blurts out: "read 'em and sleep!"

Calcyanide is miles ahead of any other product for the destruction of bedbugs, fleas, lice, cockroaches, rats, mice and similar pests in bunk houses and other camp structures. It kills every bug in the building, no matter where hidden or buried, when applied in accordance with the few simple instructions contained in our booklet.

You can end your insect and rodent problems quickly and conclusively, by using Calcyanide--the chocie of a great many lumber, mining, power, railroad and oil companies. The use of this most remarkable of all fumigants will add greatly to the comfort and well-being of your employees nad, as a consequence, improve the quality and increase the quantity of their work.

Calcyanide is put up in 2-lb., 3-lb., and 5-lb. cans, at $1.65, $1.50, and $1.35 per lb., respectively."

Very truly yours,
Calcyanide Company,
B. Towlen, Vice-President