My Near-Death Experience

I had always wondered what would happen if a plane hit a flock of birds. You'd think it would happen more often.

Unfortunately, I actually found out what happens when my plane hit a flock of geese at 15,000 feet when flying back from Albuquerque after my dissertation defense.

Let me tell you that the one sound you don't want to hear when flying is a loud THUMP. That can't be good. One wing had a whole in it. The other was severely dented. They got in the engines too. One engine had to be shut off.

We returned to Albuquerque. On the way, we were prepared for an emergency landing. The flight attendant told us how to operate the emergency doors. We were told that if/when the captain yelled "EVACUATE" that we were supposed to wrap our arms around our head and put it in our lap. Fire trucks and ambulances were everywhere when we landed.

Luckily, it was actually a very smooth landing. But let me tell you, those last few minutes before the plane landed were the strangest of my life. For the first time, I really thought that there was a chance I could die. It was an actual possibility. I wasn't really terrified, particularly because the plane actually sounded fine the whole time. Maybe I figured it was OK. But it was a very reflective time. I sort of decided that for 34 years, I had done pretty good. I had traveled to something like 11 countries and 40 states. I had mostly been nice to people I think. I don't know that I would have left the world better than I found it, but I tried. And I had finished my dissertation. In fact, I could read the newspaper headline, "Professor Dies in Plane Crash Days After Flying to Defend Dissertation." Gary Busey could play me in the movie.

I'll tell you one thing--it felt pretty goddamn good to put my feet on the ground that night.

As for my curiosity about the world, allow me to send a message to the powers that be--please don't satisfy my curiosity ever again. I really don't want to know the answers to these questions.