Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Worst Sports Announcers

Paul Campos mentions a few sports announcers he hates. But there are so many more.

I should say that some of my all time most despised people are mercifully gone. Steve Lyons for instance. And of course Dennis Miller. Then there was that Monday Night Football team for a couple of years that included an aging Frank Gifford, Joe Namath, and OJ Simpson. Wow, was that bad.

Anyhow, here is a short list of the most annoying sports announcers:

1. Tim McCarver. How exactly did McCarver become the default World Series color man. His constant references to Derek Jeter and inane comments about the game are annoying, but the fact that he is constantly wrong is a problem I would think someone might care about. I guess I'm wrong.

2. Tony Kornheiser. Does Kornheiser even care about the games he is calling on Monday Night Football? He clearly doesn't prepare. He constantly brings up trivial points that he finds interesting. He gets in the way of Ron Jaworski, which is a crime in itself. Last night, he had to bring up the idea that Green Bay should have kept Favre, even though Rodgers is having just as good a year. His argument was that Favre had led the Jets to a better record, as if Favre alone was responsible for the Jets improvement, or for the fact that the Packers gave up 51 points last night. Bleh.

3. Paul Maguire. In some ways, it is just too easy to pick on Maguire and his outstanding incompetence. Plus, he was demoted from the NFL Sunday night games to riding around on a moving cart in cold college stadiums on Saturdays. Nonetheless, his attempts at humor and, like McCarver, the fact that he is wrong on almost every point, make him as insufferable at ever.

4. Joe Buck. While Buck is a semi-competent play by play guy, I have three major problems with him. First, like his partner McCarver, he fellates Derek Jeter at every opportunity. Second, he is a legacy case. Actually earning his spot as a top announcer would have been nice. Third, his moralizing makes me sick. His "outrage" when Randy Moss fake-mooned the Green Bay crowd a few years ago was laughable. I love self-appointed moral guardians of our society. Joe Buck--the Bill Bennett of sports broadcasting.

5. Dan Dierdorf. Back in 1995, I was watching a Monday Night Football game when Dierdorf actually wished that he could be Jerry Rice for one day. That's some hard-hitting announcing right there. If that was a one-time thing, I could forgive it. But how you have such a lengthy career when you never provide one positive bit of information to the broadcast is beyond me.

6. Rick Sutcliffe. Sutcliffe is a disgusting human being. Enough said.

7. Joe Morgan. Like Maguire, Morgan is really easy to pick on. I used to have a soft spot for him. But in the last few years, not only has Morgan continued to provide vapid analysis that revolves around "experience" "guttiness" and other totally meaningless categories of analysis, but he has also come across as an arrogant jerk who is totally dismissive of any critique. Knowing that he is like that around ESPN headquarters too is pretty funny.

8. Billy Packer. Does Billy Packer actually enjoy watching college basketball? He shows about as much joy as a cardboard box. Why can't Bill Raftery be the #1 CBS announcer. Plus, Packer never met a bigtime program he didn't love. His contempt for mid-majors is constantly angering.

In fairness, announcers I really like include Ron Jaworski, Jack Ramsey, Bill Raftery, Steve Jones, Dave Campbell, and Dan Fouts. I really miss Keith Jackson. I also kind of like Bill Walton as a guilty pleasure, even though he is totally ridiculous. And Dick Vitale is in a category by himself. I don't like him much, but I can't really hate him either.