Saturday, March 17, 2007


This week, I received a particularly bizarre junk e-mail from a company who will remain unnamed. I generally delete such e-mails without even opening them, but the subject of the e-mail was.....none other than human growth hormones.

They cheerfully announced and then gloomily forecast that "Human Growth Hormone (HGH) is what sets the young apart from the elderly. It is what gives you that youthful glow, healthy body, sharp wit and iron metabolism. As you age, your pituitary gland produces less and less HGH for your body to use. This causes all the symptoms we normally associate with aging, such as wrinkles, baldness, lack of energy, poor skin tone, dull thinking and reduced sex drive."

Riiiiiiiiiiiight.........because, at 27, I'm looking like the crypt-keeper. My favorite is, they follow up these end-of-the-world symptoms by promising "to slow and even reduce all of these symptoms, by reversing the aging process itself."

Reversing the aging process itself? Wow - it's like a modern day fountain of youth!!!!

The big question here (besides why they are e-mailing me specifically, a thin 27 year old with all his hair, energy, no wrinkles, and at least some semblance of his wit left, and as for my metabolism, it's doing just fine) is, why are they e-mailing this at all? Are they already so hard-pressed by the threat of investigations into HGH in baseball that they need to branch out? Are Gary Matthews Jr.'s and Jason Giambi's e-mails down? Are there no meatheads out there who would actually be interested in this garbage, instead of me?

Very strange.