Saturday, November 01, 2008

Meet an Asshat: Texas Edition

I'm stealing AnthonyS' post title for this.

Sometimes you just run into asshats. The other day, I was eating lunch in my school cafeteria. I sit down in a booth with my New Yorker, ready to have a quiet lunch. But my attention is quickly captured by the booth next to me. In it were two frat jerkoffs and a middle-aged guy in a suit. At a small school like this, you at least know what everyone in administration looks like. So I knew this was not an administrator. Then I overhear this guy talking to the frat daddies about politics in a very insider way, discussing staffing and things like this. And I realize, this guy is a fucking congressman! I knew there was no way he wasn't a Republican, not sitting with these tools.

So I thought, who is this asshat? I thought for a minute that it might be my own asshat, John Carter. Carter is a real schmuck. I mean a real piece of crap. Exactly what you expect from a Republican congressman. But I thought he was older than this dude sitting next to me. I get back to the office and look up Carter and sure enough it was not him. Then I start playing around on the school website. Turns out that the asshat sitting next to me was Pete Sessions, Republican congressman from Dallas, who was speaking at Southwestern the next day. He's also an alumni of Southwestern, continuing our legacy of producing dickhead Republican politicians, of which John Tower is the most famous.

Sessions is a real piece of work. He's an energy freak and a core member of the Drill Baby Drill caucus. A tool for the oil industry, he's prefect for suburban white Texas. He's also a shill for the chemical industry, having introduced a number of bills looking to eliminate duties on chemical additives. The group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington also named Sessions of the 20 most corrupt congressmen in 2006. He is close to Jack Abramoff and in 2007 held a fundraiser in a Las Vegas strip club.

Class all the way here my friends.

What is really entertaining though is that Sessions comes from a whole family of asshats. His dad is William Sessions, who some of you might remember, was head of the FBI before Bill Clinton canned him for financial improprieties, including charging his home security system to the taxpayers and using a government airplane to fly to see his daughter.

I know I am supposed to be civil and all. But I can't actually see important Republicans without seething to the point of violence. I really can't stand them. I once quit a temp job I had because New Mexico Republican congresswoman Heather Wilson was showing up the next day to. promote the place as a model for privatized health care. Fearful that I would lunge at her with a pair of scissors, I quit. Likewise, I wanted to beat the living shit out of Sessions, just for polluting my lunch. I know this is bad. But these people are just so evil.

Interestingly though, Sessions admitted to the frat dudes he was with that the Republicans were going to lose 15 seats. I wonder how close to the mark he is. He was also fretting about employing all the staffers who are losing their jobs, much to the chagrin of the frat guys who were wanting jobs.