Friday, April 21, 2006

Quicky Movie Reviews

I watch a lot of movies but I rarely review them because I want to say a lot, I don't have a lot of time for extra posts, and I'm lazy. So I'm going to try an experiment. I'm going to review movies with just a few short comments. So here's the last three movies I've watched.

This Gun For Hire (1942)

1. Veronica Lake in a skin-tight leather suit is a good thing.

2. I think the director and producers of the movie had many meetings coming up with ways to show off Lake's breasts. The best was her taking an aquarium and moving it back and forth across them. Awesome.

3. Alan Ladd was fine in this movie but it's hard to take a man seriously who is best known for a role where he spent the whole movie wearing a buckskin outfit with fringe (Shane). Maybe it's bitterness over that character providing my middle name.

The Decline of the American Empire (1986)

1. I liked this movie a lot. Especially for a movie where the entire dialogue is about sex. There is really something appealing about a really smart movie about sex. This is that movie.

2. It always rankles me though when directors cast characters as history professors. It's just never quite right. Even 20 years ago, the historian parts of the movie are just a little weird. I guess it's too close for comfort.

3. What's the deal with commentators bitching so much about how this movie and The Barbarian Invasions, it's sequel, were anti-American? Did these critics even watch these movies?

4. God, 80s fashions were awful. There is this beautiful woman in the movie. But then she puts on these gigantic glasses with green frames. Who thought this was a good idea? I'm really glad I was a kid in the 80s and so was able to avoid the worst of these fashions.

Me and You and Everyone We Know (2005)

1. My God! An independent movie that isn't full of shit! I didn't know such things existed anymore!

2. I wonder if Miranda July is as weird in real life as in the movie. Somehow I think the answer is yes.

3. The scene where the guy and Miranda July are walking down the street and are talking about how the end of the block represents their relationship is really pretty hot.