The NFL at Week 6

Now that every NFL team has played at least four games, I thought it would be a good idea to revisit my original AFC Preview and the state of the NFC as well. The Simool System has been axed due to gross incompetence.

AFC North: A surprisingly poor start from the Steelers has opened the door for the Baltimore to squeeze into the playoffs. They’re a good team, but they’ll be left in the dust for the division title. While they’re 4-1 now, they’re not the untouchable defense they were before last week’s showing against the Broncos. The Bengals, on the other hand, have started a little slowly, and they’ve seen some personnel problems, but they’re going to get better as the season evolves. My 12-4 prediction will still be close to accurate. Cleveland is exactly where I, and everyone else, expected them to be. They’re a basement team that has a lot of work to do before they can climb out.

AFC South: The Jaguars?! The Jaguars??!! I still say you can’t support an offense with Byron Leftwich and Fred Taylor, but they’re proving me wrong. I don’t think this will continue through to the end of the season, but they’re foreshadowing a bright future based on what they’ve built so far. Indianapolis can’t run without the Edge, but they can still put the ball in the air as well as ever. They’re going to have to depend on their defense, though, to keep points off the board. If they put up performances like last week’s near-loss to the lowly Titans, they will not look too good. I’m not sure who is worse, though: the Titans or the Texans. I’d like to see Kubiak do well at Houston, and I think there’s a lot of improvement already shown, but they’re worthless right now. The Cowboys must be salivating over this Sunday’s game.

AFC East: Shockingly, the AFC East appears to be the worst division in the league. I am floored by the failure of the Dolphins. I had speculated that, if Culpepper collapses, they wouldn’t do so great, but I didn’t expect their failure to be so spectacular. The only team worth anything is the Patriots, but they only look as good as they do because of their sad competition. My suggestion to the NFL is to put the Jets, the Dolphins, and the Bills in a 3-Way wrestling match where the loser must leave the NFL and join the Arena League where their skills, or lack thereof, can be appreciated.

AFC West: If there’s one thing the Simool System was able to accurately predict, it’s the Broncos’ dominance. I’ve heard people talking about the Chargers, but I have a hard time seeing Denver losing any division games. Maybe one to SD, but they’re going all the way to the division title hands down. Huard has shown a surprising amount of competence for the Chiefs since Green has been out, but they’re not really going anywhere. Because I haven’t seen the Raiders yet this season, I’m not wholly convinced that the team is even physically showing up for the games, but I’ll see on Sunday. My prediction is that Al Davis will can Art Shell before week 10, and they will be no better and no worse as a result.

NFC North: A woeful division that is the only rival for the AFC East. This makes the Bears look like world-beaters, when they’re just above average. The Grossman-Berrian connection has been superb, but how long can it last. Put them in with some of the elite in the AFC and we’ll really see what the Bears are all about. The other three teams in the division have fewer wins combined than the Bears. That’s pathetic. Who would have guessed it: the Lions are still pathetic with all their new staff. This is news to nobody, but the Lions won’t see a stitch of success until Matt Millen leaves the front office. By the way, Favre really needs to hang it up. Pretty soon, he’ll just be another Vinnie Testeverde, forgetting where he is and lining up for the snap behind a guard a searching for his teeth after each sack.

NFC South: I still think Carolina and Atlanta will be vying for this division in the end. Fuck the Saints. They’re nothing and Reggie Bush is all sizzle and no steak. He can make a two yard run look great, but he’s still only getting two yards. Good riddance to anything decent coming from the Bucs. Gruden is an idiot and stole Tony Dungee’s team for his one look at a good team.

NFC East: This is the cream of the NFC. The worst team is the Redskins who, while not so great, could be the second team in any of the other divisions. The Eagles and the Giants are both great thus far and, when the Cowboys playing as well as they have are third, you’ve got a pretty tough division.

NFC West: Is the “Greatest Show on Turf” back? No, and I’m gagging on the thought. The Seahawks will win the West and we’ll still get to see an ass-whipping from the Broncos…Yeah!!! I’m surprised that Arizona looks as bad as they do, but I think they’ll get better if they stick with what they have, and especially keep Dennis Green as coach. He’s highly underrated. The 49ers are barely worth mentioning, so all I’ll say is fuck them too and, every time they do poorly, an angel gets its wings.

Overall, a stellar season so far. I look forward to the heart of the season where injuries start to pile up and the depth in the great teams really starts to show. Sorry Chicago, but this will be the end of your magical season. Oh, and GO BRONCOS!!!