Wednesday, May 16, 2007

RIP?--Jerry Falwell

The sun seemed to shine a little brighter today. I didn't know what it was, but it sure did feel springy this morning. Then I saw: Jerry Falwell, dead at 73. "Oh, no!" I cried, "Now who's going to blame homosexuals for 9/11?!" And then I laughed.

Some may think it's disgusting to speak ill of the dead, but not me. I celebrated when my friend's melanoma was successfully removed, and so I celebrate here. Anathema of human progress, there have lived few others since the Apostle Paul (nee Saul, Persecutor of Christians) who could pervert the teachings of Jesus so successfully for their own ends. Falwell started one of the largest entrepreneurial churches in the country, Thomas Road Baptist Church, in 1956 at 22 years old in his hometown of Lynchburg, VA. From this base, he began an illustrious career of subverting the separation of church and state, using the multi-million dollar lobby of the Moral Majority to voice his support of both segregation in the 50s and 60s and Apartheid in the 80s. If there is a sentient god and Falwell trying to get into some kind of heaven, I hope this is the scenario: God makes a deal with Falwell. If he can beat [the also recently deceased] Diego Corrales in a 15 round fight, he can enter the gates of heaven. Otherwise, sorry, it's hell for Jerry. We could make some money...let's call Don King. On a side note, I think that Falwell's envisionment of Hell would be a pretty cool scene, so maybe he'll have some fun. Anyway, enough laughs. Here are a few choice quotes:

--"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."

--"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals."

--"Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions."

and my personal favorite

--"Textbooks are Soviet propaganda"

This guy was a peach, and the sun shone a little brighter today.